18 months

Elizabeth!

You’re 18 months old today!  You’ll soon find out that the Allison clan takes birthdays seriously and is known to celebrate even half-birthdays.  And oh how I wish we all indulge in a big ‘ol funfetti cake with you today.  But instead, I’m left wondering about you.  What you’re doing today.  How you’re spending your time.  What you’ve had to eat.  Certainly not funfetti cake.  That will come, my girl.

I’ve been daydreaming about you all the time.  My drive to our church takes me past the Raleigh-Durham airport, and I think about you every. single. time.  Baby girl, I can’t wait to get you in my arms.  My heart aches for you every day we’re not together.  Your homecoming, though, is becoming more and more of a reality.  I am devouring the advice of the experts on adoption and attachment.  We have purchased your crib, and I can hardly wait for it to arrive so we can finish up your room.  I’m beginning to make preliminary packing lists as I look forward to traveling to Congo, and I’m excitedly collecting donations for the orphanage you now know as home.  Truth be told, I am trying to keep myself busy because it’s in those quiet still moments that my heart often hurts for you the most.

As much as I can’t wait to wrap you up in our arms and into our family and home, I can’t imagine how scary all of this is going to be for you.  You might be frightened confused, and you will likely miss the orphanage and your caregivers there.  Just know, sweet girl, that any grief you might feel will be okay.  We’ve got your back.  You have already been through far more than any one and a half year old should have to experience, and this reality is sometimes too much for this mama’s heart to bear.  I’m trusting, though, that God will give us the grace and mercy that you need- that we need- every day.

We’re praying for some major forward movement in your adoption this month!  And, of course, you better believe that we’re celebrating your 18 months of life today.  Happy half birthday, sweet Elizabeth!