Okay.  So.  I know I’ve been a bit mysterious about what’s going on in our adoption.  Let me offer a brief explanation…

In short, there have been several families whose files have been officially closed by the Powers That Be in Rwanda.  If you remember, we were told back in July that this would happen if we did not receive a referral in six months.  However, since then, we had been reassured that we need not worry about this whole thing… that there were no real plans to actually close files.  So, for obvious reasons, this recent news struck terror in the hearts of those of us who continue to wait… and huge amounts of sympathy for the families who are no longer allowed to.

That’s about all we know now, though.  And so we wait, feeling the tension rise by the day with a predictable ebb and flow as each week progresses.  Because, let’s face it… I’m pretty positive the only people in the world who look forward to Mondays (for the possibility of adoption-related news) and who dread the weekends (offices aren’t open = no news) are those who are in the throes of an international adoption.

To be perfectly candid, I have been in a bit of a funk since all of this went down.  The extreme uncertainties that we are facing right now are beginning to wear on me.  Yes, I know God has good plans for us and is control of this adoption, but still… the wait really sucks sometimes.  There, I said it.  The wait and crazy unpredictability are downright awful sometimes, and the mere thought of our Rwandan adoption ending without a baby in our arms makes my heart ache and head spin.  Just being real here.

But I’ll be okay.  I mean, I am okay.  Just not completely emotionally stable these days.  Which to some may seem pretty ordinary.  🙂  But life goes on.  And we continue to wait.  Wait and pray our tails off.  Because I know God’s got this… even when I’m in the funkiest of funks.